How do you know if Japanese people find you handsome? From ikemen and kakkoii to “your face is small”, here is what I noticed after living in Japan: the words, the shy and confident reactions, and why your country and English can matter.
How do you know if Japanese people consider you handsome?
If you are a foreigner living in Japan, you might notice that people react to your appearance differently than they would in your home country. Sometimes Japanese people tell you directly that you're handsome. Other times you notice unusual behaviour, an unexpected compliment, or someone who suddenly becomes too shy to look at you.
After living in Japan and interacting with Japanese people, I've noticed several interesting things about how attractiveness is expressed here. These are my personal experiences and observations.
The first and most obvious sign is when someone compliments your appearance. But Japanese people use different expressions, and each one has a slightly different meaning.
Otoko-ppoi (男っぽい): manly or masculine. If a Japanese guy tells you that you're otoko-ppoi, he is describing you as masculine. It doesn't literally mean handsome, but it can be a positive comment about your appearance, your body or your behaviour.
Kakkoii (かっこいい): cool or handsome. This is one of the most common compliments you'll hear in Japan. Both guys and girls use it for someone who looks handsome, stylish or cool. If someone calls you kakkoii, it's a positive comment about your appearance or your overall impression.
Ikemen (イケメン): good-looking guy. Now this one is interesting. Ikemen means a handsome man, and it's often used when someone finds your face particularly attractive. If a Japanese girl looks at you and says "Ikemen!", that's a pretty direct compliment. Of course, it doesn't automatically mean she's in love with you, but she clearly thinks you're good-looking.
One of the most interesting things I've experienced in Japan is how some elderly people react to foreigners. Compared with younger people, I've found that some older people are less hesitant to approach you and start a conversation. Sometimes they even comment directly on your body.
And here's where things get interesting: they might say something that sounds like an insult in your country but is meant as a compliment in Japan.
"Kao chiisai!" (顔小さい): your face is small! In Japan, having a small face is often considered attractive. So when an elderly person looks at you and says this, they may actually be praising you. In my home country, if someone suddenly commented on the size of my face, I would wonder why they were judging me. Here, that comment can be positive.
"Oshiri chiisai!" (お尻小さい): your bottom is small! Yes, even this can happen. Some elderly people comment on your body proportions. Depending on the person, it might be a compliment or simply an observation. Personally, these comments surprised me, because the way people talk about physical appearance here is different from what I'm used to.
Not every elderly person will approach you. Sometimes I've noticed the opposite. Someone sees you, suddenly stops what they're doing, and stares for a few seconds. They might look surprised, or unsure how to react.
It's easy to read this as someone being impressed by your appearance. But staring doesn't necessarily mean someone thinks you're attractive. They could simply be curious, especially if you look different from the people they're used to seeing.
This is probably the most interesting part. In my experience, there are two different ways some Japanese girls react around a guy they might find attractive.
Type one: the shy girl. Some girls become extremely shy and struggle to make eye contact. Imagine you're standing with another person and talking to a Japanese girl. Instead of looking at you, she looks at the person beside you while she speaks. She avoids your face or seems nervous. It almost feels as if she is deliberately avoiding your eyes.
One possible explanation is that she's nervous around someone she finds attractive. But avoiding eye contact also comes from personality, social expectations and culture. It isn't proof that someone likes you.
Type two: the confident girl. Then there's the complete opposite. Some Japanese girls are perfectly comfortable approaching you, looking directly at your face and starting a conversation. They might even tell you directly: "Ikemen!" or "Kakkoii!" Some will try to keep the conversation going. From my experience, this reaction is easier to recognise, because the compliment is direct.
Foreigners can sometimes stand out simply because their appearance is different from what people are used to seeing. Japan has its own beauty standards, and some features are especially admired. Of course, Japanese people have a wide variety of faces, like people in every country, but certain ideals are very visible in fashion, entertainment and everyday compliments.
A small face. As I said earlier, a small face is often considered attractive, so a foreigner with a relatively small face might get compliments about it.
A high nose bridge: "Hana ga takai" (鼻が高い). You might hear "Hana ga takai!": your nose bridge is high! In Japan, a prominent nose bridge can be an attractive feature. This surprised me, because in my country, if someone said my nose was too high, I might take it as criticism. (Careful: the same words are also a Japanese idiom meaning "to be proud", so the context matters.)
That's one of the interesting things about living abroad: the same physical feature can be read differently depending on the culture.
Sometimes attraction isn't only about your face, body or style. It can also be influenced by where you're from.
Imagine a Japanese girl who absolutely loves Harry Potter: the films, the books, British culture. Now imagine she meets a guy from London. Even if he isn't her usual physical type, she might immediately become interested in him, because she already has positive feelings about England.
Of course, that doesn't mean every Harry Potter fan will fall in love with a British guy. But shared interests and positive associations can create an initial attraction. I've noticed that nationality and cultural background can be powerful conversation starters in Japan.
This is closely connected. Imagine a Japanese girl who is really interested in learning English. In Japanese you'd say "Eigo ni kyoumi ga aru" (英語に興味がある): she's interested in English.
If she meets a foreigner who speaks English, she might want to talk to him, practise her English or learn about his culture. That shared interest makes it easier for a connection to develop, and sometimes an interest in a language or a culture can turn into romantic attraction.
But being interested in your English doesn't automatically mean someone has romantic feelings for you.
After all these experiences, here is what I think is worth paying attention to:
Still, not every reaction means physical or romantic attraction. A person might stare because they're curious, avoid your eyes because they're shy in general, or approach you because they want to practise English. The best way to understand someone's intentions is to look at their overall behaviour, not one sign.
One thing I've learned from living in Japan is that attractiveness isn't understood or expressed the same way everywhere. A feature that attracts criticism in one country can be praised in another. A compliment that sounds strange to a foreigner can be completely normal here.
And sometimes what makes you interesting isn't even your appearance. It could be your nationality, the language you speak, your personality, or simply being different from the people someone usually meets.
These are my personal observations from living in Japan, not rules that apply to every Japanese person. But if you're a foreigner living here, you might recognise some of them.
Have you ever been called ikemen or kakkoii in Japan? Or received a compliment that sounded strange at first?
If you are preparing to come to Japan, 7-MD's study abroad support helps you understand daily life before you arrive. And if you want to read about the other side of being a foreigner here, read about the gaijin seat on Japanese trains.
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